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How can you trust God? My spiritual awakening journey.

Updated: May 14

It all started in March 2020 when the first lockdown hit during the pandemic, in London, were I was currently living, sharing the space with now, my ex husband.

At at time I was 4 years into marriage, 8 into relationship, and 8 years of living together in London.

Things were not colourful, let me tell you that.

As someone who was not only 22 year older than me, suffering PTSD and not living in Holly Spirit, after going through this experience of living with abusive partner for 8 years, I can tell you that it was not easy ( to say the least)... But as a student of life and faithful person, deep, deep, deep inside of me, I kinda knew that everything happens for a reason.

The reason was: to awaken on spiritual level from being and living in this three- dimensional world, where you focus on external environment (which I didn't obviously realise at the time ). On what you have, what is your status, what is that your friends, family, co-workers think about you, and so on...

Suffering bulimia since I was 16 years old obviously did't help with self acceptance and setting strong boundaries. I was constantly seeking for that external validation. But in the wrong places and people.

Not within me.

Back in that time, and since I have moved to London, I was working as a successful hairstylist for over 11 years, grinding my ass off to try to make ends meet. My ex husband never had a full time job beside one-time-thing for 6 months, during our 8 years of living together, so... the pressure was on.

And when you live under such a pressure, you can easy fall into different forms of escapism.

That was definitely the case for me.

And on the side note- even if you are a driven person, with strong will-power and determination to improve your live, as long as your external environment won't be supporting your endeavours, you will keep loosing this battle.

So coming back to March 2020, I was already in a very difficult situation on every level: mentally, emotionally, financially, physically and safety-wise...

I don't even know how it happened, but I have came across a free meditation group to follow through with this 30 days meditation challenge, where every day we would connect at 8am and together meditate, sharing our visions, and just converse.

It was a true PURGING time for me. I remember crying with my headphones on, having my abusive husband walking around our studio flat, just feeling the heavy energy pouring out of my body.

At that time, my beloved mum was already quite advanced in her Alzheimer, back in Poland, where I originally come from. The only person I could really talk to about my problems and difficulties, was my dad.

During the time when I have started to meditate daily with the group, everything also started to get worse. Not only agression of ex husband was escalating but I started to have a horrible nightmares, about him cheating on me ( which also was the case), dreaming about demons, monsters, and other evil stuff you can only imagine.

Back than, I had no idea I was experiencing so called dark nights of the soul.

I have started to pray like never before. Every day I would beg God to release me from those shackles.

I started to pray on rosary as well as asking Holly Mother for her intersession.

It was Easter weekend, Sunday morning, when I woke up late, after blazing ( yes, you have read it right ) night before, just to nock myself down in order to fall asleep and forget about the pain I was feeling at the time, I head over to the toilet, passing by my ex, soaking in the bathtub in the other bathroom.

Next thing I know, I am scrolling through his phone which he left next to the toilet sit ( he was also "steaming out" from smoking night before, so morning focus was not there yet), which- was unblocked and "flashing" its screen in my face, like it would be asking me to look through ( now I know It all was divinely orchestrated, so I would finally LET GO).

And the things I have saw and found there... well, lets just say, that was the moment when I FINALLY LET GO ant tbh, triggered my spiritual awakening...

The rest is just a history- they say...

But from that moment on, I felt like a humongous weight has been lifted from my shoulders and heart, and mind, and I was able to plan how to move on, without holding on to the "leftovers" of love I had towards him.

Within next 12h he was arrested and I knew that my prayers has been listened to.

I felt safe again.

The first week of my spiritual awakening was like a bliss, metaphorically and literally.

I remember walking in Battersea Park in London ( we were living there literally just in front of the park where I would stay all day), it was sunny May 2020, and everything was just so... intense.

Sounds, colours, people, sensations, music, movements... I literally felt like on high, but for the first time in 8 years, not from smoking marihuana, but from feeling free and just...happy.

I will never forget this. It was just a different feeling of happiness though.. I would say, supernatural.

It started to worn off after 10 days maybe... but the level of mental clarity I had at the time- I didn't think I have ever experience before that moment in my entire life.

Again, Im not sure how I came across term "spiritual awakening", but I have started to look for the answers online and I have came across this guy Victor Oddo, who talks abut it on his YT channel, and that was a great guidance for me to navigate that journey.

Over time I understood, that we do not go through spiritual awakening once.

It is a repetitive process where once you achieve a certain level of consciousness and transformation, you will start reaching new levels, with new lessons, new knowledge to learn and wisdom to possess.

I always think about it as an onion layers you peeling off, layer by layer, until you reach the core of it- the true nirvana, or as you might have heard before- SAMADHI.

So I would conclude here my short story of spiritual awakening with this maybe already familiar to you quote:


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About Me


After discovering God in my life, I have dedicated myself to being a full-time seeker and student of life. I approach each day with a sense of curiosity and a desire to learn and grow. I am grateful for the opportunity to explore all that the world has to offer.


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